The fruit of this purnima: Sense of Freedom from Result

Every month the new moon waxes with new energy, new inspiration and manifest into certain form which may not be that certain. 

Just want to look at the manifestation of this play on this Sharad Purnima.

What manifested is deeper than any success, it is a certain freedom from idea of mental success. The fear of an outcome, one of my biggest fear I realized was to see me fail in academics, of how my parent would react if I didn't go their way or expectations, the thought of it used to suffer me. when it is true that we suffer more in thoughts than in reality. Because this moment is true it is easy and real, and when you are in touch of this truth there is no suffering. 

Well as I remember this hatred of me to myself as an idea of an inefficient bad student was always there. The way I used to grind, rote learn, and revise insane to get marks, and created a falsehood of being an efficient engine of the education system or topper from outer impressions and appreciations, then stress all mind to maintain and keep up with this. Within me, I hated myself for that innocent child being not smart, and not accepted by society and forced to change it, define it with certain definitions, but is just a stupid child of this cosmos, loved and taken care of by Mother Durga every moment in her womb earth.

Well, I never studied for the love and life of it. For the engagement to life through studying. But for just a lust for certain outcomes from the outside to validate my story even more, but somewhere inside I knew this was a never-ending vicious cycle. 

I can't say if this play is over, but this certain sense of freedom from the academic results and disappointing people has been released and is something I feel has manifested in these 15 days with Navratri and Vijaydashmi.  May Maa Durga bless and let's see what's to come.

Jai Maa Kali, Jai Maa Durga🙏🏻